I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
