Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
