i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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