Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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