Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
