She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
