Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
