The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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