i was born a porn star she said
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
