So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
false alarm. still invincible.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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