I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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