My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize