Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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