On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Nicole vs. Life
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
