Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
