Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
