Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
