Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
