I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Randomize
