NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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