Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
