Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
