Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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