he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
