Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
