cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
