I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
