Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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