I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
