addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
