would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
