Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
