You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
