how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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