How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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