I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
