Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
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