It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My vagina is officially offended.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
