So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My friends, they love my intelligence
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
