First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
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