i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
