Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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