I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
