I want to walk on stilts...naked
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
