Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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