im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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