and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
