i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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