shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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