I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
