You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
