Did you just see the Batmobile???
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
