My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You were trust falling into bushes
All I want is dick and wine.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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