if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
