I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
