Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
