I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
