No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize