Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
