I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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