Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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