Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
