dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
