I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
