people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
