My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
