Your dad touched me again.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
