If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
