You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
