i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
