She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
