Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
