I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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