Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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