brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
