i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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