And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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