Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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