She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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