This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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