TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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