she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
