i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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