What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
